Some days are easier to get by without feeling too sad or empty,

other days, like yesterday and today, are much harder.

Thoughts rush in like floods, threatening to break the dam which is holding back the tears I have managed so far, to keep back. Now and then, leaks occur and I let them go but stop before I succumb to the urge to let it all go.

Happened to come across this quote earlier this morning: “Tears are words that need to be written.” ― Paulo Coelho

So, here I am.

We met up yesterday before he went on his 2-week holiday for dinner, and had a chat about things, we both teared as we talked. I know it was hard for him to talk about things with me but he tried his best and I really appreciated it. I am one who needs to talk over things, to understand and hopefully by understanding, I can learn from all the mistakes I've made.

Today, in a bid to relieve some of those pent-up tears, I wrote a little note to 'the man who used to be the centre of my universe, the one I thought I would spend the rest of my life with'.

I still think about him a lot, but I no longer hold hopes of ever trying again, of things getting back to what they used to be in the very beginning, that would be very silly. Feelings of regret still fill my heart; if I could go back, I would do many things differently, I would be a better person, I would have handled the loving and fragile heart handed to me with more care.

For now, I can only tend to the wounds and hope for the best. Saying goodbye was never a strong suit of mine...