was it all worth it? A question that popped up in my mind like an unwelcome guest.
Did I accomplish anything by leaving my comfortable routine, family and friends back home for a foreign land, stress, feelings of loneliness?
Don't get me wrong, there're definitely things I really appreciate here; the changing seasons, the landscape full of hills, greenery, forests, some good friends I had the fortune to get to know, foods not readily available in Singapore (which I got fat on. sigh...), the travelling I get to do, etc etc...
But right now I still don't have a concrete answer, yet.
Because I am not sure if I've done any good for my future 'career' (if it even exists). And it seems like the next step leads on to more studying, more time away from home, away from the working 'adult' world out there.
I am not sure of anything anymore. A good friend recently said, 'Ask Ping a question and that's the answer you'll get - I don't know.' He knows me well. Sigh. I wish I know what I want to do with my life.
In the end...
jeudi, novembre 19, 2009
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Happy (very) belated birthday (to me)
mardi, octobre 20, 2009
Another year older, but not much wiser I guess... haha.
I'd wanted to write this a long time ago, but as usual, the beginning scraps of it has been sitting in my drafts.
It's autumn again. Sometimes, it feels like the past year barely happened. It's been a rather stressful year spent back in school (after such a long break of working). Maybe my brain's too rusted to study anymore... But at least I made it through. Now it's just another 6 months of slogging along in the lab, which is much better than being stuck with memorising and more memorising.
As much as I often think about home and miss it, there're all the good of being away too. The nice people I've got the luck to know, all the things (German, cooking skills, kknowledge etc) I've learnt in this time. Invaluable. I think I change (I hope for the better) every time I leave home for a somewhat extended length of time (this would be the third, and in so far, the longest). I don't really know what my next step would be after this, and the thought that all's as yet unknown is in itself rather... unpleasant and at my age, sometimes, a little pitiful, I think. I feel like I have nothing to show for being at a ripe old age that I am. No required papers to make it in life. A close friend of mine said to me not too long ago that his wonderful wife is expecting their second daughter! So exciting! I understand that one pays the price too for having a family. It just makes me think; he and his wife, both my age, are at such a different stage of life as I am, one which I wonder if I'll ever get to.
Well, I am making this post sound like a rather melancholic one. Let's talk about happier things. I got a surprise visit from my best friend in Singapore for my birthday. It's been good to spend the time together this time, it was just like in Singapore. She left yesterday afternoon for home and the evenings start to feel really lonely. I guess I'll get used to being alone again. The worst part about getting visitors from home is that you get used to (and happy with) their presence and when they leave, it's like they took a part of you with them, leaving a void. Aiyah, I manage to sound so sad again. Guess it's because I am feeling a bit low. But it'll be better. In Dec, I get my dear visitor back. :) And another close friend is coming back for Xmas. I just have to hold out till then. ^_^
Oh ya, in this time, I've also moved. And I am happy to say I really like my new room. It's bigger, cheaper and comes along with much nicer housemates.
Ah, geehz, it's late, I should get ready for bed. Gute Nacht, Leute.
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I'd wanted to write this a long time ago, but as usual, the beginning scraps of it has been sitting in my drafts.
It's autumn again. Sometimes, it feels like the past year barely happened. It's been a rather stressful year spent back in school (after such a long break of working). Maybe my brain's too rusted to study anymore... But at least I made it through. Now it's just another 6 months of slogging along in the lab, which is much better than being stuck with memorising and more memorising.
As much as I often think about home and miss it, there're all the good of being away too. The nice people I've got the luck to know, all the things (German, cooking skills, kknowledge etc) I've learnt in this time. Invaluable. I think I change (I hope for the better) every time I leave home for a somewhat extended length of time (this would be the third, and in so far, the longest). I don't really know what my next step would be after this, and the thought that all's as yet unknown is in itself rather... unpleasant and at my age, sometimes, a little pitiful, I think. I feel like I have nothing to show for being at a ripe old age that I am. No required papers to make it in life. A close friend of mine said to me not too long ago that his wonderful wife is expecting their second daughter! So exciting! I understand that one pays the price too for having a family. It just makes me think; he and his wife, both my age, are at such a different stage of life as I am, one which I wonder if I'll ever get to.
Well, I am making this post sound like a rather melancholic one. Let's talk about happier things. I got a surprise visit from my best friend in Singapore for my birthday. It's been good to spend the time together this time, it was just like in Singapore. She left yesterday afternoon for home and the evenings start to feel really lonely. I guess I'll get used to being alone again. The worst part about getting visitors from home is that you get used to (and happy with) their presence and when they leave, it's like they took a part of you with them, leaving a void. Aiyah, I manage to sound so sad again. Guess it's because I am feeling a bit low. But it'll be better. In Dec, I get my dear visitor back. :) And another close friend is coming back for Xmas. I just have to hold out till then. ^_^
Oh ya, in this time, I've also moved. And I am happy to say I really like my new room. It's bigger, cheaper and comes along with much nicer housemates.
Ah, geehz, it's late, I should get ready for bed. Gute Nacht, Leute.
Sod's law
mercredi, septembre 23, 2009
states that when you drop a piece of buttered toast, it will always land buttered side down.
This is what a good British friend of mine, Chris, said when the train from his place back to Tübingen on Sat night was delayed for 5 mins. An hour earlier, we'd just missed the train by a couple of minutes (due to my lousy cycling skills), so we had to ride back to his place in the dark and foggy night to wait for the next one. We then decided we'd better leave the house early enough (at least 20 mins before, for a 5-min ride) to get to the station in time. 'When we could have used that 5 mins of delay earlier, the train was on time. Now when we're early, the train is delayed... Sod's law' he lamented.
That Sat evening was a comfortable movie evening (read: slumped on the couch) cum pig-out (complete with KFC, a califlower gratin, green olives and pickles from the jar, sliced green peppers, Holunderblütenschorle, beer & coke, not to forget dessert; freshly-cut pineapple slices, crepes with Nutella & ice-cream!!) with a couple of good friends. I was a bit of a third wheel, but they were so nice they didn't mind having me around.
I really enjoy talking to this British friend. The typical British humour, the phrases and terms he uses, remind me so much of the 2 buddies I used to have. He likes to say I have a nice British accent (not the 'wah-wah'- his words, American accent) for which I am flattered. I love in particular one phrase of his: 'As useful as a chocolate teapot'. Amusing. Adjectives such as 'peachy'. Exclamations of 'Jeepers!' Cute-sounding cusswords; 'blimey!' And it's true when he says he'll lose his head if it wasn't stuck on. :D His girlfriend is also a treasure of a friend. They're as sweet and as delightful together a couple as I have ever seen.
Sunday afternoon after church, we window-shopped at the Umbrisch-Provenzalischer Markt held once a year in the Altstadt here in September and managed to procure some small bites of samples along the way. The streets were stuffed with throngs of people which is unusual for Sunday afternoons in Tübingen.
Then in the Sunday evening service at church, I was relieved to see that the video I put together was well-received. Chris even complimented me on my humour, saying it was truely British styled! haha... *happy*
Other updates: lab work, that which take up most of my life, is moving slowly, because I'm currently in a new lab, have to wait for delivery of the stuff ordered, set-up and optimise the protocols on my own, etc... A small bit of good news is that my supervisor now offered me to do my Master thesis here and if I want, to continue with my PhD too. I feel flattered and it's tempting to just accept that so I don't have to search and apply for other places. But I think I will try and see what else is out there. Have just started scouting. And that involves investing time and effort in writing up letters of research interests and so on... Hence only sluggishly prodding along. (Am lazy...) Only sent a few applications to date.
First have to decide where to do my Master thesis. Will be speaking to the Prof from my first lab rotation this week before I make a decision. She'd also asked if I wanted to go back to her lab. Wish me luck (in making the right choice)!
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This is what a good British friend of mine, Chris, said when the train from his place back to Tübingen on Sat night was delayed for 5 mins. An hour earlier, we'd just missed the train by a couple of minutes (due to my lousy cycling skills), so we had to ride back to his place in the dark and foggy night to wait for the next one. We then decided we'd better leave the house early enough (at least 20 mins before, for a 5-min ride) to get to the station in time. 'When we could have used that 5 mins of delay earlier, the train was on time. Now when we're early, the train is delayed... Sod's law' he lamented.
That Sat evening was a comfortable movie evening (read: slumped on the couch) cum pig-out (complete with KFC, a califlower gratin, green olives and pickles from the jar, sliced green peppers, Holunderblütenschorle, beer & coke, not to forget dessert; freshly-cut pineapple slices, crepes with Nutella & ice-cream!!) with a couple of good friends. I was a bit of a third wheel, but they were so nice they didn't mind having me around.
I really enjoy talking to this British friend. The typical British humour, the phrases and terms he uses, remind me so much of the 2 buddies I used to have. He likes to say I have a nice British accent (not the 'wah-wah'- his words, American accent) for which I am flattered. I love in particular one phrase of his: 'As useful as a chocolate teapot'. Amusing. Adjectives such as 'peachy'. Exclamations of 'Jeepers!' Cute-sounding cusswords; 'blimey!' And it's true when he says he'll lose his head if it wasn't stuck on. :D His girlfriend is also a treasure of a friend. They're as sweet and as delightful together a couple as I have ever seen.
Sunday afternoon after church, we window-shopped at the Umbrisch-Provenzalischer Markt held once a year in the Altstadt here in September and managed to procure some small bites of samples along the way. The streets were stuffed with throngs of people which is unusual for Sunday afternoons in Tübingen.
Then in the Sunday evening service at church, I was relieved to see that the video I put together was well-received. Chris even complimented me on my humour, saying it was truely British styled! haha... *happy*
Other updates: lab work, that which take up most of my life, is moving slowly, because I'm currently in a new lab, have to wait for delivery of the stuff ordered, set-up and optimise the protocols on my own, etc... A small bit of good news is that my supervisor now offered me to do my Master thesis here and if I want, to continue with my PhD too. I feel flattered and it's tempting to just accept that so I don't have to search and apply for other places. But I think I will try and see what else is out there. Have just started scouting. And that involves investing time and effort in writing up letters of research interests and so on... Hence only sluggishly prodding along. (Am lazy...) Only sent a few applications to date.
First have to decide where to do my Master thesis. Will be speaking to the Prof from my first lab rotation this week before I make a decision. She'd also asked if I wanted to go back to her lab. Wish me luck (in making the right choice)!
vendredi, septembre 04, 2009
An evening run through the forest;
A light cooling drizzle on our heads;
Chatting with my future running mate (we promised we'd run together regularly to push each other along ^_^) as we jogged along at a comfortable pace;
We were passed by many people training for the upcoming Stadtlauf;
A quiet vow to each other, 'We'd one day be better than we are now!';
The faintly yellowed leaves on trees whispering, 'Autumn's on her way';
And the aches in my legs today reminding me that I have left them too long unused...
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A light cooling drizzle on our heads;
Chatting with my future running mate (we promised we'd run together regularly to push each other along ^_^) as we jogged along at a comfortable pace;
We were passed by many people training for the upcoming Stadtlauf;
A quiet vow to each other, 'We'd one day be better than we are now!';
The faintly yellowed leaves on trees whispering, 'Autumn's on her way';
And the aches in my legs today reminding me that I have left them too long unused...
Last one
vendredi, juillet 24, 2009
in a few hours and I would be free! That's the only thing sustaining me. I couldn't help but panic last evening and it felt like I was barely an inch away from going bonkers. There's so much to memorise, so little time and brain space. Everything felt like it's going in and coming right out, or immediately replaced by the next information I tried to squeeze in. I hate that all exams make us do is memorise!! An all-nighter now, to try to store whatever I can in the working memory compartment and hope it functions later. And hope it doesn't turn out like the exam where my mind jumbled up everything I memorised. Sigh. Feels like I'd be attending my own execution later. *wince*
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A little more...
vendredi, juillet 17, 2009
Something I have to remind myself of everyday. I can barely continue with this. Sit at the desk with piles of textbooks, lecture notes, review papers and memorise as much as possible.
I had the worst exam so far (the 6th) today. I studied as much as I could, but all the information ended up jumbled up in my tiny brain. Sometimes I think it's so ironical that I'm studying neuroscience when my brain's barely competent enough for me to remember what I have been mugging. I barely answered half the short-answer questions correctly and screwed up the essay question which is worth a quarter of the marks. I hope and pray that I can pass this. I'd hate to think that I have to retake the exam. Sigh...
Actually, this semester hadn't started out too bad. So far I have not been the last (a great achievement for me!) but I think this exam will do it for me. :'(
We've had a few of the results and as usual I looked for my number (matriculation) from the bottom, and for a couple of them I wasn't actually there! haha. I even got an 'A' for one of them (even though it was only a take-home exam and more than half the class got 'A'). But still, such a nice feeling. But I know for the other exams, I'd probably be right back at the bottom again. *Sigh*
I have never been good at exams. I try but never do well (only back in secondary school, was I ok but after that it's been downhill all the way). And I get really nervous the night before, my mind stays in a half-awake, barely-asleep mode the whole night. I must be just plain stupid. Can't wait for this to be over!!! It's been HORRIBLE and I'm so close to giving up!! I don't think I would ever understand why I decided to put myself through this again even though I know perfectly well that I suck at studying. *???*
I pray God would have pity on this dumb girl and let me pass everything. I really don't want to have to retake any of it. I want to be able to go for my holiday with my 'lil sis and cousin with a peace of mind.
I do thank God for the few days this month when my friends and I cooked and ate together. A Japanese friend of mine is here for 2 weeks to do some experiments and we've had dinner a few times and I learnt how to make sushi rice the right way and also tamagoyaki. I hope I'd get to try it out on my own after. Tamagoyaki looks like it requires a lot of skill! It's great that we've got closer this time round and I even call her nee-chan now cos' a couple of our friends said we are like sisters. :) She's leaving tomorrow and I went for a little shopping therapy just now (after the exam) to buy her a couple of small presents. Will look forward to seeing her tonight to give her the presents. For now I shall bring my notes to my bed and see how long I last before I fall asleep.
1 comments
I had the worst exam so far (the 6th) today. I studied as much as I could, but all the information ended up jumbled up in my tiny brain. Sometimes I think it's so ironical that I'm studying neuroscience when my brain's barely competent enough for me to remember what I have been mugging. I barely answered half the short-answer questions correctly and screwed up the essay question which is worth a quarter of the marks. I hope and pray that I can pass this. I'd hate to think that I have to retake the exam. Sigh...
Actually, this semester hadn't started out too bad. So far I have not been the last (a great achievement for me!) but I think this exam will do it for me. :'(
We've had a few of the results and as usual I looked for my number (matriculation) from the bottom, and for a couple of them I wasn't actually there! haha. I even got an 'A' for one of them (even though it was only a take-home exam and more than half the class got 'A'). But still, such a nice feeling. But I know for the other exams, I'd probably be right back at the bottom again. *Sigh*
I have never been good at exams. I try but never do well (only back in secondary school, was I ok but after that it's been downhill all the way). And I get really nervous the night before, my mind stays in a half-awake, barely-asleep mode the whole night. I must be just plain stupid. Can't wait for this to be over!!! It's been HORRIBLE and I'm so close to giving up!! I don't think I would ever understand why I decided to put myself through this again even though I know perfectly well that I suck at studying. *???*
I pray God would have pity on this dumb girl and let me pass everything. I really don't want to have to retake any of it. I want to be able to go for my holiday with my 'lil sis and cousin with a peace of mind.
I do thank God for the few days this month when my friends and I cooked and ate together. A Japanese friend of mine is here for 2 weeks to do some experiments and we've had dinner a few times and I learnt how to make sushi rice the right way and also tamagoyaki. I hope I'd get to try it out on my own after. Tamagoyaki looks like it requires a lot of skill! It's great that we've got closer this time round and I even call her nee-chan now cos' a couple of our friends said we are like sisters. :) She's leaving tomorrow and I went for a little shopping therapy just now (after the exam) to buy her a couple of small presents. Will look forward to seeing her tonight to give her the presents. For now I shall bring my notes to my bed and see how long I last before I fall asleep.
Always look on the bright side
lundi, juin 29, 2009
Ahh, so easy to say, so hard to do... Sigh...
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