Homecoming

After almost 8 years away, I am now going home. I cannot put my finger on my feelings about it and hence not sure how to answer the question from friends, 'So, are you happy about moving home?'

The first and foremost thing that wrenches my heart is that I have to bid farewell to all my good friends here in Italy (and Europe). Since I am not just moving to another country in Europe but rather am moving back to the other side of the world where I don't know when I will be able to see all of them again. Needless to say, I will also be missing the nature in Europe, the four seasons (and the corresponding change in wardrobe), the food (though I think the huge variety of food I can get back in Singapore will make up for this) and the languages I get to speak here. My life will be 180 degrees different, no more hanging out with these sweet, lovely people; going out for hikes in the nature parks, hills, a walk along the beach, a dip in the sea, ice-cream, coffee, pizza or a weekend somewhere. Instead, it'll most likely be back to the same rhythm it was those years ago back in Singapore: work, gym, home.

I am a little nervous about moving back home. Singapore, as 'westernised' as it is, is still Asia, with some Asian precepts where I don't fit in: the measurement of slimness is on a different ruler, the beauty of fairness of skin, etc. I definitely have some adjustment to make. Living back home with my family again has its advantages and disadvantages as most things go... I am sure there are more favourable points than drawbacks. I have missed my family but I have forgotten how critical my mother can be of me. That will certainly do a lot to my already non-existent self-esteem which I will have to somehow learn to regulate.

I am really excited (and grateful) about the new job, even if it is just a 6-month internship stint. It is an area I am very interested in and I am sure I can learn a lot! I am looking forward to start that new bit of my life, and am prepared to work as hard as I can in the corporate world and hoping that a real job will come out of it.

Isn't it funny how the brain changes its perception of its surroundings depending on our emotions? As I look around me now, in the face of my impending departure, the things that got on my nerves before seemed to take on a tinge of quaintness and beauty... It feels strange to think that this is my last week of work in the research institute where I've spent the past (almost) 6 years. I remember clearly how, 2 years ago after I'd finished my PhD, I couldn't wait to leave, and now I find it hard to believe that I am really leaving...

I am grabbing every chance I get to spend time with the people I love. We chat and laugh over lunch, or dinner and wine. I try my best to capture these moments in my mind's eye, hoping to be able to look back and hold onto these when I miss them. I've always hated goodbyes, so I am just going to say 'Auf wiedersehen' instead and pray hard I won't turn into a puddle of tears on that last day.

I know it is inevitable that I have to close this chapter of the book in order to open another. But that knowledge doesn't make it any easier.

Thank you for having been part of such an important phase of my life, I already miss you. :'(