The last 2 days, back in an all too familiar situation; stuck alone underground with animals (mice this time) the whole day (not that I disliked it, I was quite happy to be back on acquainted territory), my mind drifted off, it being dispensable in the routineness of the tasks and where the quietness of the room proved to be conducive for a trip down memory lane. As if viewing a short film in my head, random images, of past events, places, people, flashed before my mind's eye.

It felt like I was an outsider, sneaking a peak into someone else's life or a distant past, familiar, yet foreign. Age does that to you, maybe? I barely recognise myself in the treasured pictures sitting on my desk in front of me, pictures I brought from home. On Skype this morning with my family, even the room I shared with my sister has changed; it's no longer ours, but hers. Has my nephew started primary school? The little one whom I used carry in my arms to hoax him to sleep? And there's a second one I haven't met. In a recent email from a good friend, 'Haha coming back eh. A lot of changes in SG. It's like they renovated the skyline. You should have fun exploring.' Exploring?? Me?? A tourist in the home I grew up in?
The world has gone ahead with her revolutions and left me behind, running, panting, struggling to catch up.

Have I aged so much in the past year and a few months? Do I like who I am now? What have I achieved, if anything, by choosing this path?

Maybe, just maybe, if I had a chance to do over, I would have chosen to stay home, maintain the status quo then and not try to be so ambitious.

But, there's no way back now though, is there???

I refused to let the moistness in my eyes flow over. I will not cry.
So, try as I would, I would finish this route I started out on. The last bit is always the hardest, isn't it?

To all my friends and loved ones out there, I wish you happiness (definitely something I need now eh?), content and health in this Lunar New Year. Oh, and a happy Valentine's day too.