I should just eat grass.

A picture a friend posted on her blog reminded me of an immensely demoralising, depressing incident last Wed. I was prepared to go to the gym after work. A trainer had called me in the afternoon saying the gym is offering a complimentary PT (personal training) session for all members therefore asking if it's possible for me to have the session that evening. Since I was going anyway I said ok.

The first thing I had to do was a body analysis by a machine. You stand on it, hold 2 handles by the side of your body and it gives you all kinds of readings such as; your body fat percentage, water percentage, BMI, strength of your arms, trunk, legs, fitness level etc etc. I don't remember what my readings were like when I first joined the gym 6 months ago (I should go dig it out.) but it doesn't seem very much optimistic this time round. My body fat percentage was above the desired number!!! (Horrendously, terribly upsetting!) And I was told my arms and trunk are very weak! (My legs are ok apparently.) I've put on weight since I've joined. (why?? why???) My weight's a 100% which is supposed to mean it's in the normal range, but (since it's not a test score, so... ) I don't want. I used to be between 90 - 95% which, in my opinion is more satisfactory. 'Heavy' sigh. So all that concludes that I'm fat! F-A-T!!! What is the whole point of me going to gym if my numbers don't improve?!?!

He then asked me if I watch my food. One should only give in to cravings once a month in his 'manual'. How to only eat chocolate once a month??? Someone tell me?!? I can't possibly give up chocolate. It's what keeps me sane in this inane world. What kind of life would it be to have to be on a constant diet?

The training session was good. (Apart from another trainer - who trains my colleagues and had said if I ever want to sign up for PT sessions, find him - shooting daggers at me cos' he thought I had signed up with this other trainer.) He pushed me well hard (a few times I thought I was going to cry from exhaustion. But I didn't of cos'!) and showed me some new exercises. I made to tell him before he started his sales pitch that I wished I could afford PT sessions, but I can't. I think they'd be useful to help me target the muscles I want to work and to push me beyond my comfort zone. But the prices are sky-rocket high. $100 for an hour. Where to get that kind of $?!!?

This is not helping my Monday symptoms. I really don't feel like going to the gym this evening. But I haven't been for 3 days already and A had said to me in the past that when I'm not happy, I'd probably feel better for going. Now I just want to eat away the blues. :( Obese cow.