As I struggled with the equipment for my new series of experiments for the umpteenth time today (and last Fri and Sat), instead of pulling out my hair, feeling horribly anxious and frustrated with myself and worried about not starting my experiments on time because of the problems (as I was on Fri and the whole of my weekend), I was strangely calm... which surprised even myself.

'I guess when everything that could go wrong has already gone wrong, then there's nothing else more that could go wrong (touch wood) and I am not so far away from getting it right, right??' That was the thought that accompanied the uncharacteristically unfrazzled feeling.

On my way home on the bus this evening, listening to Corinne May's 'Little Superhero girl' (I especially like this song because she sings 'Take a trip to Singapore') on the all-functional phone, looking out the window to the sea sparkling in the light of the half moon, my spirits were somehow uplifted.

In the midst of the gloomy negativity that fills my life now for the most of the past year (dissatisfactions with the many ways things DON'T work in Italy, continuous 7-day work weeks, a failed relationship etc etc...), it has been hard to feel happy or think positive. However, today in an email, I read this "I think and think and think, I‘ve thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it. -Jonathan Safran Foer" and thought, 'hey that sounds like me!' haha... It made me smile, and think about how true that line was.

Staring out at the beauty of the sea at night, so different from how it looks in the day; like black and white, I am reminded to count my blessings and really look on the bright side of things.

When would I ever be able to afford a place right next to the sea again ??(The apartment I live in now is considered quite a good deal for its location by the sea & the spaciousness, only downside is that everything is sooo old... so many things/appliances we've had to replace since we've lived here). The old buildings: instead of thinking of them as 'Ewww so ugly, why can't they invest some money, time & effort to do something to refurbish/ at least put on a new coat of paint???', I will think of them as quaint; a blast to the past, something I will not be able to feel much in Singapore, the ineffectiveness of many things here: instead of getting frustrated, I'll accept that this is the way they work and I'll just be as nonchalant and take things easier (like the locals & foreigners who've been here long enough do). And I'll thank God for the nice weather I get here, the many sun-shining, bright blue, without-a-cloud skies and stars-filled nights. I'll thank God for the lovely fresh produce available here at affordable prices. I'm already thankful for the many good friends I've made here, my nice neighbours, the random helpful and friendly strangers (includes bus drivers who smile, say hi and sometimes even chat when I am the only one in the bus, let me know when my stop is if I'd asked). I'll be grateful for this opportunity to learn another language. I'll appreciate each and every experience I'll have here; good or bad (of cos it'll not be easy to appreciate the lesson-teaching bad experiences). I hope it's not too late for me yet. I have another year and a half left, and I really don't want to end up like a good friend of mine who started to realise how good his life was here after he has left for another city. Finally, if I hadn't come here for my PhD (I must say not the most logical choice after Germany), if I had just stayed in a country where things work like they're supposed to, it'd be all too easy wouldn't it? ;) And so I wouldn't have learnt as much life skills right?

I've also come to realise today that, as time-, energy-consuming this PhD is, it's like a 3-year concentrated dose of life. Questions that lead to more questions, persevering to solve seemingly endless string of problems, repeating experiments until you're sure the results are real, setbacks with negative results, at various times thinking of just giving it all up, no time to sleep, eat or play. A good friend from Ireland wrote to me today, 'Well, it's not forever. You probably won't believe me but you'll even miss it when it's over,' after my 'Very tired,' reply to his 'How's it going there?'

I hope that by writing down these thoughts down, I could look back now and then and remember how I felt today. Night night dear diary, have to get some sleep, tomorrow'll be a long day of problem-solving!