A subconscious, inner cry for help...

I woke up this morning with a terrible ache in my jaw, like someone has tied my upper and lower jaw together and was incessantly pulling on them. I didn't understand why I felt like this at first. As my brain started to gear up, I realised I must have been grinding my teeth while I sleep again. I don't know if I've always done this, I've never noticed it before arriving in Italy. The main suspect for the trigger is most probably stress. I know I tend to clench my jaw during the day when I am stressed. I am not sure I've ever felt as stressed as I have been here. In Germany I was stressed out with the workload in school and with merely trying to keep up with my brilliant classmates but somehow I never felt this bad.
My work here in the institute has been gradually and slowly improving. I was actually looking forward this week to continuing with my LCMS (liquid chromatography mass spectrometry) training with the analytical chemist who's been really nice to me and teaching me a lot. But I think with emotional tension, I don't handle myself or it very well. I wish I could get rid of it somehow. Sigh.
I count off my fingers one by one the stuff that has been bothering me. My homesickness have started to get better. So I guess the only thing left is that I don't process relationship problems well. Living under the same roof is tough, very tough. So much so that I wonder how other people do it. Most likely, I'm not made to be in one. As clear as if I was looking into a magical crystal ball that foresees the future, I see me destroying myself or the other person with the problems I create by being me, a complicated person.
Then when I feel troubled or sad, I also start to feel homesick, which makes me feel worse, and this becomes a viscous cycle (as I feel worse, I feel even more homesick and so that goes on...) As I think about how I won't feel like this when I'm home (like duh...), that makes me wish I was at home instead of here and then I am even more homesick... Ok, you get the idea. I want the comfort of home, of family, friends with whom I could talk and laugh with.
Yesterday, I was looking through the photos on my camera, thinking to myself that I should load them onto the computer and post some. In the last 2 weeks I was experimenting with some new recipes I came across (my sort of therapy) and was quite satisfied with the results. Also yesterday I did a nice hike with some friends up into the hills to visit an old abandoned fort which made a nice conclusion to the weekend. I think tonight or sometime later this week, I will sit down and make sure I write a happier post next with the photos. And not think about the unpleasant stuff. Right now, I just have to hope the very unpleasant ache in my jaw will be released and I can actually smile and laugh again. (It hurts quite a bit when I laugh.) I also have to get to the dentist. Maybe today if I can manage it, I'll go to the emergency room and ask if I can see a dentist today. I have a dentist appointment in July but I am not sure I should wait that long, else I'll break all my teeth at night! :(