A fight to the end!

At least once a day I feel like kicking myself for choosing to come here for my PhD. After my less-than-satisfactory decision for my Master project, I'd made my decision hoping it would be a good one or at least a better one. But oh no, I merely continued in the string of bad decisions, some of the worst I could make in my student life.

Often in my mind's eye, I think about back on Germany, where things work, where life is simple and peaceful. And with the early summer heat here now, I close my eyes and imagine I am back home, where things also work and although not the small-town peaceful life, I have my family, friends and everything I love.

I try my best to think positive and try not to keep wishing I was someplace else (or kick myself for having made the worst decision ever - and that I've been forewarned before by several people). But it's so hard. It's so hard to be in such an unmotivating environment for science, simply sitting around waiting for something to happen, just like in waiting for Godot. A waste of time. Time that could be spent doing useful stuff for my PhD... Nothing. Day after day. It's almost 6 months now since I've been here. And yesterday I received my 'permesso di sorgiorno' (a card to show that I am legal here, for a year) after almost 4 months of running around governmental offices getting the paperwork done and then of course waiting for it. And guess what? It's supposed to be valid for a year, but I see the last day of validity on it is 31/12/2011. That means that after 6 months, I have to repeat the whole process of applying for this thing again, and paying the 100+ euros for it. But listen to this, my other foreign friends tell me I am considered lucky that I even got the card BEFORE it expired. There were people who actually had to wait so long for this stupid thing that when they received it, it was already expired and they had to start the process all over again immediately. hahahahaha... what a big joke isn't it? I am really surprised this country is still up and standing!

But I have to bite tight on my teeth (a literal translation from the chinese, 咬紧牙关 - which actually I do literally now too, so Steffen has told me since I arrived in this country. Hence I have a dentist appointment next month to check my poor teeth and get some teeth guard thingy for when I sleep) and get through with this. I am almost one-sixths through it. I shouldn't give up now!!! I looked through the bible for some encouragement and hope. And this particular verse caught my attention:
2 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

And of course one of my favourite verses:
Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

And I hope and pray that things can only get better when you're in some of life's low valleys. Also hope that life's treating you better!