想家

Some days homesickness hit like a physical blow to the heart, a pain in the stomach and feels only too real, indiscernible from an illness. It's not depression, or a mental or emotional problem, it consists of regular waves of feelings of missing my family, friends, comfort food which I so pine for sometimes and the organisation and efficiency of my country. And it's not that I do not appreciate the chance that I have of living abroad for a time which some may envy me for, but as the grass always seem greener on the other side, now and then, I find myself yearning for things I do not have at the moment. I remember a dream I had a while ago where I got to go home for the weekend. 'What an incredible luxury!' I remember thinking to myself in the dream! And when I woke up, inevitably, I wished I had a time/space machine to port myself home, just for the weekend.

I don't think I will ever be able to get rid of my feelings of homesickness and I don't think I ever want to do that. I love the country I come from, even with all her peculiarities (and in this period of elections; the politics) and definitely do not want to stay away for too long. Being away from Singapore makes me appreciate all the more what I have at home (you know, I am actually in a third-world country now...), my identity, culture, language and people.

The next three years here in this place will undoubtedly be the hardest I ever have to deal with, so I pray for all the strength and determination I could muster to complete this and look forward to the day I get to step back on home soil for good!