I think therefore I am?

One of the things I look forward to on a Monday (to get rid of the blues) is to catch up on blogs of friends.
I was reading zan's and saw cute baby pictures. Could understand her laments.
Read Anantya's which almost made me tear. Her words hit so close to home. Situations not completely the same but so apt was her writing to what's going on inside me. It doesn't seem possible a friend far away is in a similar state of mind.

I'm not going to try to write after I've read hers, cos' it's just not gonna be as good. So I'll be lazy and ask you guys to read her site. The parts where she mentions people who think about life and what's in it are less happy than those who don't, wondering whether there'll ever be good results from experiments, no way of getting over things other than run right through it, wishing things could sort out on their own, being surrounded by people yet feeling lonely, the paragraph from the book, her poem 'yeah okay'.

Spoke a little to zan on msn and she mentioned there's a girl back from Life Sciences who's rolling in the moolah as a marketing/real estate agent. I've been trying not to think about this Business vs Science notion since after the chat with M about career paths (a few times now, but that's a while ago, cos' he has since decided what he wants and is going for it). He, like zan, thinks I'd do well in a business/marketing/people-interaction-type job. (Which makes that possibly 2 of the people closest to me en ce moment.) Sometimes I don't know whether that's meant to make me feel flattered or otherwise. Could that really be something I'd excel in? Is Science really not for me? (read: am I that bad in research? I know brains - something I may not possess - are essential for Science.) Questions, with no answers. Unless I make a bold move and change jobs, actually, careers. Then maybe I'd know. Answers I need before I dive into anything that would be too late to reverse. A PhD for example.

Money, and everything one can get with money versus interest. Where does accomplishments go? Where I would excel eh?
Something I wish I could hammer into people outside the industry is that there's no money in Science, absolutely none. Unless of cos' if you are a world-class scientist or one sitting in the top management in a big pharma. People think just because research is the 'in' thing now so scientists get paid lots. Rubbish! Ask anyone who works wearing a labcoat. Only us geeks know better.

Sigh. Along this line, I start questioning my motivations for wanting to pursue a PhD. It is a big committment, at least 3 years, usually 4. It doesn't come cheap. I'd need a funded studentship to be able to do it, though I seriously doubt I have the 'colourful' academic results to get a place.

Life doesn't get more complicated than when one is in one's mid-twenties... (Would I hear any chorus of agreement here? ^_^) I feel I'm at cross-roads where any decision I make (not what to eat or wear lah) would make a significant impact on the coming days. If I would ever get grey and wrinkly, I hope I can look back and say, as Robert Frost did, that 'I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.'