Friday, January 30, 2009

Back in the lab! :)

Felt like a bit like homecoming, back on familiar (so to speak) ground. Ah. that well-acquainted smell of rats. I am so glad to be back doing something practical and not just sitting in class and having to study all the time!

Today’s my 5th day in the lab. Had wanted to write on my very 1st day but for the past few days I’ve been busy observing and learning and finished rather late (7, 8pm). Plus, my body seemed to be treading on a cracked sheet of thin ice which was threatening to break any minute and succumb to the cold. Oh, that throbbing head, the lethargy and the body aches of an ancient one...

I’d hope I could leave earlier on Wed (5pm) as the experiments I’ve been helping out with have been completed early. But I’ve just been told by the other intern that there’s an hour-long lecture at 615pm and my supervisor’s giving it. So, here I am, at the (slow) computer (with, naturally, a German keyboard), stealing time to write. (As some of you know, free time is supposed to be spent diligently reading papers.) But with my head’s starting to act up, I’m finding it difficult to concentrate.

Anyhow, I meant to talk a bit about the lab I’ll be working in for the next 10 weeks. It’s in the HNO (Hals-Nasen-Ohren) clinic, hearing research centre. This is an area new to me, although the methods used are not all that different. I will be working on a rodent animal model for tinnitus and the auditory system (working title of my project) which involves an operant task, hearing measurements, surgery and some molecular aspects. On my 1st day, when the Prof was discussing my project with my supervisor, me and a couple other people who’ll be involved, I was really excited cos' it sounded very interesting (It’s a question they’ve always wanted answered but there was no one with time to do it.) though with it there’s a high risk of it not working at all. But well, I guess everything in science has that.

Honestly, I still wonder if research is really what I want in life. Last Friday, my classmates and I were invited to one of our soft skills (scientific writing) instructor's place for dinner (his girlfriend cooked German food for us). Because I offered to stay and help wash up, we sat around chatting after cleaning up. He is a very humorous (the British way) and highly talented person (he can write plays, rhymes for children, draw/paint, etc etc) who told me that at 27, he's only started to narrow down what he wants to do to 3 options. But me, I still have no clue. His advice to me was to list down things I enjoy and then try to do something about them (get some sort of experience). I've not as yet compiled my list. (I wonder if I will have anything to write down but I will try... soon...)

Can't wait for the weekend to start!!! My turkish friends are cooking Turkish for us tomorrow night and my classmate's having a hair-themed party at her place (not sure if I will go yet, cos' I don't know what hairstyle I can do...) and my German clique is planning a campfire (cum BBQ. Yes, in winter! hee. :D) in the forest on Sun. Great eh??? Life is good (for now, without classes! ha) And if I still have time, I shall try to bake something... with the (slightly soft) apples I have or my pumpkin. Ideas, people?
(But I think I heard one of my good friend's thinking of baking a chocolate cake this weekend. And if he does then I can be lazy and just eat and shelf my baking to next week. heehee.)
P.S. Since being freed from the exams, I've been watching slamdunk in the evenings. Feels fantastic not to have to worry about studying!!! So if any of u have any good movies or series to recommend, let me know! :p
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Friday, January 23, 2009

You know what???

It's finished!!! Finalement!!! I thought it'd never end...

Guess what?? I got another 'E', another exam (Neurochemistry) where I'm at the bottom of the list. But right now I don't care. Haha. It's all over, at least for the next 10 weeks (where I will be in the lab). At this very moment, I feel relieved and will revel in that for a bit. (Oh ya, at the back of my mind, there's another exam, Neurophysiology, which was tough and I am worried I will fail that...)

I can't help feeling stupid (guess that will never go away). I think I'm learning to accept that, as a fact, something that will not change. That's me. Was speaking to 2 of my classmates (from the other program) after our exam who were sweet, trying to console me with stuff like Einstein not doing well in school, Bill Gates was a drop-out and so on. These are extraordinary people. And I am just a normal (or sub-normal?? ha) person trying to find out if she'll ever be good at anything. When I start thinking about my life, I start to worry... So for now I will leave it.

Tonight there's a dinner with my classmates at the house of a very humorous instructor who taught us 'Scientific writing' (his girlfriend will cook for us). In a way I do not really want to see my classmates again so soon (they remind me of school... argh... and I feel very inferior) but it should be ok so long as they don't discuss the exams.

I miss home. It's Chinese New Year on Mon. I have been invited for dinner with my Chinese and Taiwanese friends tomorrow and I am looking forward to celebrating it with them. My sis said she'd call me on MSN on Sunday so I can see the scrumptious spread of food my mum has prepared for reunion dinner. (You're mean, San!) That aside, I would be happy to talk to my parents and sis.

I should leave this on a good note. Happy Ox Year!! :)

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Thursday, January 22, 2009

The sun shineth and I'm stuck inside...

Last exam tomorrow! On the one hand, I can't wait for everything to be over! Am on the edge of burning out. (Hence this break. ha. Me and my excuses not to study...) But on the other hand, I am scared (as usual) cos' I haven't finished studying yet. Sigh.

Was just thinking that from my posts, it would seem like for the most part of the time, I'm not happy here. That's not actually a good reflection of the truth. A lot of times (other than all the stuff to do with school. ha), I am glad to be here.

I've met some really nice people, Germans and others (Chinese, Taiwanese, Turkish, Indian, Greek etc.) outside of school. And have been welcome as part of the clique of my German friends even if I can't participate in their conversations. (yet! But I shall learn!) We cook together (and for each other) and it's really great to have company for meals. I don't like to cook and eat alone. (Hence when alone, I don't cook.)

We chat about 'Gott und die Weld'. And there're a couple of people I can go to for a hug, a walk, a run or just to talk if I ever need to and I thank God for them.
Sometimes after dinner we'd watch movies in one of their rooms or play a game together in the kitchen (Risk, Monopoly). A lot of times I have had to go back to my room to study, sadly... But the few times I could join them have all been fantastic fun.

There're so many things I wish I could have had time to blog about. Especially our cooking and eating sessions, some 'first-time's and experiments that always ended up delicious!
German food is not just sausages and beer, I've learnt. It's a skill to make pretty (and tasty!) Chinese dumplings from scratch (skin and all). Hainanese chicken rice depends very much on the freshness of the chicken (hence frozen chicken is no good!), the chilli and the fragrance of the rice. Turkish food can take a lot of prep work beforehand but is oh-so-good (even if it's a tad too oily for me). Taiwanese homecooked food is simple and nice, makes you feel that much closer to home. Indian food is all about the spices and I love lentils!
It's an amazing cultural experience here. :)

And my Christmas vacation (Paris and Lille) which I have not mentioned at all.

I have (so many!) photos. I hope I can post some soon. So, wait for me! (Now, I have to get back to studying. Sigh.)
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Thursday, January 15, 2009

If only this was like The Tortoise and The Hare

then I wouldn't feel so shit being one of the last in class.
Let's see, so far we've received the results for 3 of our exams and for all of them I'm one of those with the lousiest grades. (The graduate school sticks up the results for each exam on one of the doors to our classrooms with our matriculation numbers. So everyone sees everyone else's grades. Bad eh? sigh.)
The best exam I've had since I got a mere B, while I think more than half the class (my class is 8) got As.
I reckon this 'being-bottom-of-the-class' trend will continue for a while (at least for all of this semester)... sigh... I am really no good at exams (read: I am stupid!)... SIGH...
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Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Missing you started like a sharp pain from an accidental knife cut,
now a dull ache pushed to the back of my mind,
occasionally reminding me of its presence.
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Friday, January 02, 2009

A New Year...

But the same me.
*sigh*
Trying to study for the exams next week, but it's not going very well so far. Nothing's really going in, I can't seem to focus and I feel like an absolute airhead. *big sigh* Times like this really makes me wonder why I'm here.
Not a very good first post for the new year eh? :( But I need to rant, get it out. Was really depressed yesterday. Wish I was home. Wish I never decided to come here. *SIGH*
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