Maybe it's not just Monday blues. Maybe it's time to move on.

Spiritless, I dragged my feet along the highly sanitised corridors of the lab. Between 2 experiments, 2 rooms. Trudging back and forth. Auto-pilot on. Mind blanking out. Anyway, there's hardly any need to think. The stillness is threatening to drive me mad. The rare human contact; a little nod, an acknowledgment of one another. Clad in the same green surgical gowns over maroon-coloured scrubs, hair nets, masks, shoe covers. Identities blurred. I'm not sure who just said 'hi'.
They say it takes less facial muscles to smile. But it's taking everything I have to get them to work today.
There was a time when I loved what I do. I can't remember that now.
I can't wait for the day to end. I want out.

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Touch your lips to mine

Bliss is...

when he reaches out and gently pulls you in for a kiss,
'I love you' blurted out,
a hug from the nephew in the morning,
'see you tonight', he chirps as he waves his little hand at you,
packed lunches from mum,
girly talks with her,
serving mum-cooked food to dad,
watching tv together with an occasional word or 2 from him,
missing the nightly sister chats,
looking forward to hearing from her,
home-made soups,
a well-brewed coffee,
dog-walking,
catching up with friends,
going on a holiday, tomorrow. ^_^

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It's a yes then?

Like ice-cream in the bold heat of the afternoon sun, her heart melts at the thought of him. His bashfulness, the grin, his bright eyes, the tough exterior which hides his insecurities, the elaborate tattoos, his protectiveness...

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The peace that sometimes comes from accepting yourself

Yesterday's workday flew by. There was a lot to be done. On top of my regular chores, there were work discussions in-between and a last minute rush to finish up my presentation for our monthly meeting.

The meeting ended late (not at all unexpected) at about 630pm and around 7-ish I left the office with a few girlfriends, chattering happily on the train. They were headed for a hip-hop dance workshop and I to the gym. I was tempted to just go straight home cos' it was rather late. The night before I had also finished work late (7-ish), got to the gym late and arrived at home feeling like my stomach had collapsed on itself. I had then made a mental note to try not to do that again. However, since the approaching CNY is synonymous with tons of good food (and junk) it meant I had to clear my quota of at least 3 times this week.

Gym was unsurprisingly empty. I made it for the spinning class (there were only 4 people, excluding the instructor) and managed to get through it (barely). I recognised the instructor as one of the regulars who attends the same spinning class as me on Thurs. As I left the class and mouthed 'Thank you', he said the same and we spoke some.
After that I ran into a guy I met at Boxercise class last Thurs and exchanged some pleasantries.

It's not too busy at work today so I caught up on blogs. A friend wrote very aptly about V-day. It's one of her many entries where I find myself thinking, 'Ya, that's it, now how I wish I could have put my thoughts into words as well as that.' :) Myztika's and Si1vara's posts about being in a top school and having shitty teachers brought back memories of my time in JC. I totally understand what you girls talked about. I hated going to school back then. And deeply regretted switching to NJC after I got my results. Some of the teachers there only cared about the smart students and needless to say, I was one of those at the bottom. No one really bothered about you when you're not one of the geniuses. Those years were horrible!!! I never felt worst about myself. The only good thing that came out of being in the school was meeting my Godfather, who was the teacher in charge of counselling back then. He pulled me out of the pit I was in. It's a pity that he has since gone back to New Zealand but we still keep in touch. I hope to someday visit him. ^_^

This morning as I sat in front of my computer in the lab, an unfamiliar sensation settled. I was actually comfortable with Me. For a few rare minutes, I didn't think I was fat, ugly, silly, stupid... And it felt good. :)

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Thinking of

sub-zero temperatures; snowflakes; frost on leaf-baren trees and windows; a view so white it burns the eyes staring at it; woollen gloves; mulled wine; hot chocolate; bagette fresh out of oven; thick, warm duvet; big fat pillows; a book you can't put down; comfy PJs...

flowers of all colours; birds chirping; bees buzzing; strawberries; blue, cloudless skies; trees coming out of hibernation; green everywhere; smiles; cafés, frothy cappuccino; ice-cream; strolls in parks...

a toasty sun; sand you want to sink your feet in; beach chairs; palm trees; wind in your hair (blowing the right direction, of cos'!); creamy smoothies (with cocktail umbrellas); watermelons; turquoise seawater so unbelievably clear you can see corals and fish; a light-hearted book you can breeze through; the smell of suncare lotions; bikinis (also imagine a bod good enough to wear one)...

golden reds, browns; dried leaves on sidewalks; leather jackets; boots; orange pumpkins; greyish clouds; pitter-patter sounds of rain...

museums;

food;

anything to take me out of the depressing dungeon I'm in...

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I've stopped

waiting to hear from you.

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Circumferentially challenged

I am.

Cute eh? Just like me! haha!

I skipped gym yesterday evening, a throbbing headache being my excuse, and went shopping for trekking shoes with Chiu instead. And as (my bad) luck would have it, the 2 shops at Beach Road that he frequents were closed. I was disappointed. If I go out with a goal in mind, I usually like to be able to check it off.

He, being the optimistic one, suggested we could still shop around in the area, Bugis, Suntec. And in a bid to cheer me up, he said he'd treat me to dessert. ^_^ We walked along, passed a 'Mr Bean' shop and when I stopped and looked at it for a brief moment, he said my eyes seemed to 'light up' at the sight of the 'soya bean ice-cream'. (I've wanted to try it for the longest time but for some reason, just never seemed to do it.) So, he very gentlemenly suggested I have it and without giving me a chance to protest ('I've just had an extremely calorific weekend!'), ordered and bought it for me. I made him share it with me. 'Sharing the fats' make me feel a little better. ha. :p

In the process, my head had lightened immensely. I wonder if it was being out of the office or indulging in sweets that did it.

Our initial plan was to head to a dessert place around Bugis street for some Chinese-styled ones. After the ice-cream though, I had thought that was it. Chiu surprised me by saying he thought we were still going for more. (See, I really can't hang out with friends like this much. O_o) Anyway, we went ahead. Ah Chew's desserts. He had a hot 'yam sago' and I had a cold 'papaya steamed in milk'. Interesting eh? The Chinese believe papayas are good for, *ahem*, nourishing certain female assets. But no, (yes, it was) that wasn't the reason why I chose that. It's not a commonly encountered dessert, so must try mah. :D It looked like boh boh char char though. Payaya's one of my favourite fruits (an acquired taste) so it was good and the milk tasted sweet, wonder if that was from the payaya or if they added sugar. It shouldn't come as a surprise that I 'bounced' (sugar-overload) home. haha.

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When it feels like every brain cell is on revolt

Had a lovely weekend. Date with recently reaquainted old friend saw me thoroughly pampered with food (oh-so-sinful Kenny Rogers, Carl's Junior and a buffet breakfast at a 5* hotel - broke all my diet rules, I did) and a movie. ahh, lucky me... ^_^

'Protege' was very good, imo. I rarely watch Hong Kong shows in the cinema but this was one I had wanted to catch. 3 cuties, interesting story well-filmed.

Every single day of last week had been plagued by long, almost unbearable bouts of headaches. The worst is, it seems set to repeat itself this week. :( I went to bed early last night (armed with an 'extra' Panadol) because of a particularly evil one and hoped it would be gone by the time I woke, but no such luck there. Sigh. I've not had such annoying headaches for a while now, much less a continually present one. Maybe there's a tumour in my grey matter. (Chiu very kindly suggested.) Sigh.

What exacerbates the torture of headaches are people who don't have a concept of personal bubbles (I have one, mind you! And you're supposed to stay out of it!) and those who enjoy poking their noses into my business and won't leave me alone. I am sure they are, at heart, very nice beings, but in times like this when I'm struggling to function, I have little energy left to grin and bear it. Please, take them (the headaches and aforementioned homosapiens) away!!!

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Sign of the times

Yesterday evening's run did much for my mood. Friend was fantastic company. We chi-chatted from time to time and he was very nice to follow my pace though I'm sure it was a bit too tortoise-y for him. ^_^ And, for the most part, the route was rather scenic, Fullerton, Esplanade, Marina Promenade, Business District skyline. Cool sea breeze. It makes me wonder why I ever choose to exercise indoors.
I received my answer today. By way of my knees. They groaned and protested as I got out of bed. Add that to my daily, constantly creaking joints (including hips) and I start fearing they'd all fall apart any minute now. Gosh, I feel old!!!

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What goes up must come down

J'ai un gros mal à la tête, among other things...

The excess energy last Friday was regrettably short-lived. And, like a furious, erupted volcano, left a huge gaping crater in its wake.

My sis left for England last night. Almost 6 months, the little one will be away from home. And I miss her already. :(
Though I think I could get used to having the room all to myself! ^_^
Hope she'll learn to fend well for herself, alone and far away. Though she's not spolit (a little on the pampered side, yes. :p), being the youngest and living at home meant she had a lot of things paved and prepared for her. Since she knew she got a place in the exchange program, my parents and I were quite worried about whether or not she could take care of herself. Loads of people fussed over her. It was quite different when I was leaving. (My parents said as much.) And from the way I was left to do more or less everything on my own, one could tell. I like to think it's cos they know I'll be ok on my own, rather than that they don't care about me/ love me as much. Think it's time for us to trust in her abilities, let her make her own blunders in life and become more self-sufficient and independent from it all. I also need to learn to be patient like her so I can play with my nephew while she's not around.

Work's occupying the rest of my thoughts/ time/ life at the mo. It'll be a crazy time in the lab for a while.

On a happier note, from reading Myztika's blog, I found out it's World Nutella Day today! My all-time favourite chocolate spread!!!! *Simply thinking of it makes my mouth water* I didn't have time to make anything nutella-y for the occasion. Though the last couple of times (for a good Sat breakfast) I've made French crêpes with nutella and fresh fruits (sliced strawberries, bananas, mangoes), they were oh-close-to-the-real-thing!!! (Sis & A were my guinea pig testers. haha. Too bad I didn't think of taking pictures then. The next time I make them again, I'll definitely do so!) One of the many things I missed about Paris; French crêpes.







Le petit déjeuner avec Nutella










Ahh, gotta go. Meeting an old (sec sch) friend for a light run.

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Powerful you have become, the dark side I sense in you

Meeting a friend for dinner later... (The devil in me won. bwahaha!!!) Maybe I could just eat rabbit food (code name for salad between me and said friend) but I think he'd just 'tsk' me. What 'good' influence hor?
Well then, I shall resolve not to feel guilty about eating this weekend! (Aiyoh, more than a little difficult leh... But I'll try.)

Bon weekend, tout le monde! :)

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So it is

Ah, just remembered, Chiu told me yesterday of a line his friend used as part of his MSN nick which tickled me so I thought I'd post it here:

'Sex is like playing bridge; if you don't have a skilled partner, then you'd better have a good hand!' Hahaha...
I miss playing bridge. (Shan, remember when we played against Carlo and Jurgen and beat them pants down! Girl Power! Yeah! ^_^)

And, just read this off my 'lil cousin, Ru's blog:

What's Minnie without Mickey,
What's Tigger without Pooh,
What's Patrick without Spongebob,
What's me without you?

:) Awww... So sweet...

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Excess energy, anyone?

Just about able to refrain from bouncing off walls... I don't see any obvious source of all the zest. Not that I'm complaining, though... :D
It could be that it's Friday (boy, I love the end of the work week!), I had a good night's sleep (then again I usually sleep quite well, just not nearly enough), a rather satisfactory workout yesterday (If only I could keep this -a workout always makes me feel better after- in mind everytime I find it hard to get myself to the gym), 2 hours of 'Prison Break' last night, I've managed to push the nagging worries to the back of my mind (at least, for the time being), getting into work without being all sweaty and sticky, (which is usually the case. And in case you haven't noticed, I'm not fond of the heat much) thanks to the cool, cloudy weather this morning. Hmm... what else?... That's about it, I think.

I really should have brought my gym kit along, then I could put the fortitude to good use. I wonder how long this high spirits will last...

Just now, I piped a 'Morning!' to Chiu Over 'Sametime' (an internal chatroom-like portal) and his first response was 'So energetic again today ah?' (Yesterday as we were walking to the MRT station after work, he mentioned I seemed quite energetic, while he was quite tired. Eh, come to think of it, ah boy, you this whole week like everyday also tired hor?) Hee. I was quite surprised he could sense that just from one word. Now that's what I call a good friend! (That or he's just one of those rare sensitive guys.)

I feel like indulging in sinful food today. ;p (*Guilt trip!* *the good angel whispers kindly: erm... that'll undo the calories you burnt yesterday... *the little devil interjects: But weekends are your breaks, so go right ahead! *mutters: and suffer later* *evil glint in eye*) Ahh, my eternal dilemma!

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And now for the weather

I'm glad to report that the little rain cloud over my head yesterday has decided to move off. Whereabouts to I have no idea. Nor do I care, so long as it's not in my territory. Hee.

Speaking of weather, Singapore's been blessed with uncustomarily good weather. Breezy, sunny mornings, comfortably cool nights. (Only to me, it seems. My mum and sis, who can't take any temperature less than Singapore's scorching, tropical numbers, don't like it much.) I really like this drop in temperature without the accompanying rains everyday. I wonder how long this'll last. Probably not long enough. The nice weather reminds me of springtime in Europe. ^_^

Some recent events prompted thoughts of fair-weather friends. It seems I have one such. Was contacting me regularly for a listening ear when he was upset but have not heard from him when his affairs (of the heart) appear to have blown over. And contacted me again a few days ago when he needed to borrow a camera. Maybe he's just been busy. But well, I can't really be bothered. I have enough good friends not to worry about the rubbishy ones.

This afternoon, nice, sweet (ah boy, I do mean it! Really!) Chiu asked me if I was 'feeling constipated'. (What an elegant way of putting it hor? ha) Said he read my entry yesterday. And offered to accompany me sit outside downstairs and 'blow wind' over my late lunch. So I had a love-filled packed lunch (by dearest mummy) in the sun and breeze and of cos' brillant company. :D (Thanks!)

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