If I wish upon a star...

If I wish upon a star, can you not leave?

She's perceptive enough to feel it. His mind is made up but he's not telling her about it. A whirl of emotions tucked away tightly under his facade. He chats, but only of mundane, everyday matters, as if she's only an acquaintance.

She sneaks looks at him in the gym. Beside him, panting away on the bike, sweating bucketloads, struggling to keep up. 'Maybe one day I'll catch up with you,' she thinks. She tries to concentrate on the rhythmic spinning of wheels. 'Why won't you talk to me?' she asks herself. 'Am I not your friend anymore?'

Evening, she called him to ask if he has a soup pot at his place. Before she could catch herself, she evinced, 'You hide your feelings very well, don't you?'

'I don't really want to talk about it. You already know what's on my mind.'

'You're going home, aren't you?'

'Very possibly. Yes. That's the only solution.' He went on to explain some and she could only respond with, 'Mmm... ya.'

'Tu vas me manques beaucoup beaucoup beaucoup... :( Bon nuit. x' was her text to him that night. His reply was, well, for lack of a better word, polite.

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Where has my week gone? O_o

Haven't written for a while there. My week has passed me by in a flurry. Feels like it was the weekend just yesterday.

I mentioned before a (ex-)colleague of mine was leaving to do his PhD. Last Friday was his last day at work. That morning he was handing me most his stuff that would be of use to me. That was when I really felt his pending absence. Then late afternoon, all of us gathered for a coffeebreak with him to give him his card and gift. He wrote everyone a very sad last email from work. :( Although I barely knew him for more than 3 months, we've all been quite close, hanging out together so I feel kinda affected. It all reminded me of my last day at work in Paris. So very depressing it was.

Off-the-cuff emailed a favourite person about possibility of hanging out or catching a movie Friday evening after gym, got a rather surprising 'Oui, ce serait superbe!' reply. We were smart this time, booked our tickets for Munich before leaving work. It was a good show. Thought-provoking. And like Anantya said, 'banalicious'! :)

Received an sms from Kay just before the movie started about Daryl's surprise party on Sat evening. My colleagues and I had already made plans for Sat evening to hang out. But I haven't seen the 'twit gang' (in the words of Zan) since ages so I had to make it. I decided to skip dinner with my colleagues to go for Daryl's party then meet them after. That way I can see everyone. :) I slept most of Sat away. Left house slightly later than I would have liked to so I didn't get to Kay's house before Daryl. Such a coincidence that the unsuspecting birthday boy came in line behind me for the bus from Jurong East interchange to Kay's house. Fortunately I could hide behind my hair and he didn't see me. Phew! (I can't bear to imagine otherwise... Me singlehandedly destroying the surprise! The guilt of that!!!) I got off a stop after him and walked back. The surprise was a success! :D I missed the best part though, the water-dunking. ;p But Zan has videos of that so I can get them from her. It was really great seeing the gang again! More! Again, soon!

After the fantastic party, I went down to Brewerkz, where my colleagues were eating dinner, to meet them (and also to get them a discount). We headed off to One Night Stand after. (Which, to tell the truth, was quite a bad choice.) So after a bit, we decided to move to MOS. It was good fun there. Especially the way a few of us strutted in (a girlfriend of one of my colleagues and I were linking arms as we walked and she was whispering to me 'Strut, girl, strut!' And so I did. :D) through the VIP section and end up not having to pay for entrance.

I can't believe I was quite sorry to leave when the music died. It was almost 5am then. Some of them still wanted to continue the 'night' (more like morning!). We decided not to go into any more clubs but to go to the boys' place for a bit instead. The girls were famished and made some blackened toast at their place. A couple of them bought some mashed potatoes from 7-11. Before this I never knew 7-11 sells mashed potatoes! I didn't eat anything. Didn't think my stomach could take any food. Though I must say I am very proud to note that I didn't get sick this time or the Sat before. Me thinks me alcohol tolerance has gone up slightly. :p This time, I had had a Kahlua at Kay's place, then a gin lemonade at One Night Stand, a volka redbull and then a shot of something (I have no idea what it was) at MOS and some random tastes of my friends' drinks here and there. These, may not seem like much to most people, but for me, it was an achievement! ;)

Those were great nights out, but I think it would be a while before I do that again.

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Necking >.<

Up to my neck in work. Zan just msn-ed me to kill her cos' she's going to die of boredom anway. We agreed we should share our workload... If only...

2nd day of running test. And I seem to be making more mistakes today. :( Clipped the tails of a few rats while closing the doors to my kits. I feel so bad... I've gotta come down more often to spend time with them. Ah, but time, thou art un commodity rare!

And in my ignorance, I blabbled out something I shouldn't have. It wasn't that bad, a colleague consoled me. But I still feel bad about it. Ya, so it's a 'feel bad' day today for me. Go on, play me Daniel Powter's Bad Day...

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And so the story goes...

Been absolutely tied up with work to chronicle my last fabulous weekend! Am now in the middle of running a test with some time to spare so will attempt to give a short summary.

It was St. Patrick's Day last Friday so a few colleagues and I went out to a pub for a Guinness after gym. I don't usually take beers, much less stouts but it's Irish, so... :) Anyway I opted for a limited edition blackcurrant Guinness (they probably just added cordial to it), which had the creaminess of a regular Guinness but without the usual bitterness. It was sweet, very good. :) It was a good chill-out evening after a hard week.

Paintball on Sat afternoon was terrific, except maybe that horrendous-looking bruise on the lower part of my right bicep. O_o (Sighz, see, I have such good foresight! Me and bruises have such affinity...) Other than some jamming episodes of the guns and the arena being slightly, regretfully small, there were no other complaints. At the end of the games, I was left feeling a little drained as adrenaline exited my sympathetic nervous system. The main reason (I think) why it was such great fun was cos' we were fighting with and against people we knew, i.e. the only people playing were our group of colleagues. And it helped that the referees (in charge of the paintball games) were very nice people.

In the evening we were to have a farewell party at some colleagues' apartment as one of them's leaving us to do his PhD in the U.S. (Lucky guy!) I went back to their place to shower and change cos' I wouldn't have had time to go home from Jurong and then go back to the West again. My 'pretty' bruise ('pretty' cos' of the various colours; blue, red, yellow, in it) was commented on much at the party. I talked to different people, ate a whole lot of chips and had a bit to drink. Fatigue (in the morning, before paintball, I actually went to the gym, and Friday night I barely slept a few hours cos' stayed up chit-chatting with a good friend) and alcohol combined made me extremely sleepy halfway through the party. I took a little nap on the couch. Don't remember how long I slept for. Not very long, I don't think. Quite a few people were gone already when I woke up. There was talk of going out. Devil's bar or Zouk. Sung (the lead of the party) decided on Devil's bar and we set out. It was 1am. There were 3 guys and three girls, including me.

I never had so much fun dancing! :D This coming from someone who doesn't usually club (or have the knack for dancing for that matter), so 'nuff said. ^_^

A large part of Sunday was spent chilling out with one of my favourite persons. :) It was an unplanned for, almost domesticated (in a nice way) day. ;> Spontaneity is almost always good. A walk around Ikea and having one of my favourite hotdog gave me reasons to smile. Hee. :]

So that was my unusually packed weekend.

Test will be done soon. This is my first session running this test alone. Sung is handing over to me in the next few days and I am crossing my fingers that I can take over without any major hitch/hiccup. Also, my own test will be set up over the next week. Behavioural work can get a bit boring sometimes, but hopefully I can come to see the 'big picture' (as my boss puts it) then I'd love it. We'll see.

'This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.'

-- William Shakespeare 1564-1616: Hamlet (1601)

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Boohoo...

Jabbed on both arms! Left tetanus, right Hep B... Me arms ache... >_< Hope it won't get worse than aching arms. I'm looking forward to a paintball war tomorrow (not to the bruises that I'm sure will come with it though...)!

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Thralldom

Didn't manage to get myself to the gym yesterday. My 2 gym kakis didn't go (I was very surprised! They are the kind if don't go one day will die one... though one of them would have gone if he didn't have to go for a drink with the bosses). So go home I did. Conked out before 11pm (very early for me) last night. I was attempting to watch BBC's Walking with Dinosaurs - Sea Monsters at about 10pm but fell asleep on the couch instead. It was interesting, the little bit I did catch.

Think it was a combination of mentally exhaustion and some sort of a flu bug in my immune system that knocked me out. Thankfully I'm feeling better today. My immune system has apparently won the battle! :) My less than pleasant day yesterday was due to disappointing results of my study.

The rats I had spent 2 whole days with performed quite badly on the test and knowing the little fat lady (a colleague once lovingly commented he's never known someone whose horizontal dimensions are the same as her vertical's) in charge of this set of behavioural tests, she'll be on my back for the next week or more. Sighz... She's been a source of irritation for a colleague and I. Kept repeating herself like a broken record, saying the experiment's not working cos' we are not handling the rats properly, asking us to repeat the study even though the first results were ok, ordering us around, not being able to give me adequate explanations when I question her about something and imposing her stupid, illogical theories on us. She was fine when we didn't have to liaise with her, but once we started working with her, life has been quite difficult. :(

Let's talk about happier things, shall we? Received a text message last night (which I only saw this morning cos' I slept so early) which made my day. ^_^ Needless to say, I am easy to please. :p A short question which probably meant nothing to the sender made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Hee. :) I take what I can.

Time/reality-check. Have to start on my target identification for tomorrow's meeting. Argh, I so do not want to do...

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Fried brain, anaesthesized heart.

The longer I stay in the office, the more I don't feel like going to the gym...

That aside, Monday was a balanced day. Balanced in the way chemical equations are, opposing effects cancelling each other out. One thing that made me quite happy was that a colleague who has been quite aloof (she only talks to people she's familiar/close with) spoke to me. :) The negative part of the equation, let's just say, I was told there's a possibility a person close to my heart would be going back home for good in a couple of months. Ah, so that's what a local anaesthetic to the cardiac system feels like... O_o

Anywayz, had planned to watch Brokeback Mountain after work on Monday but the evening show was sold out (on a Monday!!!) and other shows were too late. So stopped at McCafe near Shaw instead. The raspy speaker playing soapy love songs was somewhat irritating and my cappuccino was more milk than coffee but his Himalayan tea latte was quite nice.

We discussed career options and his opinion is I'd do well in marketing/business thingy (the 2nd close friend to tell me this. 1st would be Zan) and make more money there too. My response was, I am, well, still very much in love with Science and currently happy where I am now. The brain is a very fascinating organ, don't you think?

He's eager to move out of the lab research field, preferring instead clinical trials or something related with editing or writing (scientific stuff). A while ago I saw in Recruit an advert for a medical writer and sent the information along to him. There's an interview set up for this Thurs (oh, it's actually tomorrow). :) Am happy for him though I sometimes feel as if I am walking him out GSK's door.

Here's wishing him all the best for the upcoming interview (I think he'd do well)! Hopefully sometime in the future, our paths will cross again, was what I said. Aww... he said while giving me a half-hearted sideways (one arm over my shoulder) hug.

I've gotta say it's not very comfortable (comfortable being an understatement...) being reminded you don't mean much to someone who means quite a bit to you. ha. >_< I was a forgotten item yesterday evening. They headed off to the gym without me, though about 15 minutes before I had talked to him and he said he'd let me know before they leave. Couldn't bring myself to stay mad cos' I know I am just a colleague, maybe bordering on a friend, so I'm in no position to be upset.

Feeling a little feverish now, maybe cos' I've had a long and not too pleasant day today. That's a story for tomorrow. Gotta head off to the gym now. Ciao!

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Cuddling you and trying to type with one hand.

Am in the vivarium. Got a bright idea to access my com in the office via remote desk top connection. Hee.

My job yesterday and today conisists of habituating my rats to their surroundings and cuddle them individually as much as possible so they are familiar with me and won't be nervous when we run the actual test tomorrow. The only problem's I can't play with them and type at the same time. Typing with one hand is too excruciatingly slow...

My rats are so cute!!! =) Shall concentrate on them now. ^_^

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Shenanigans... I'm in love with this word... ;>

Bz bz bz...

Wish I could just sit here and write. Don't wanna go to the vivarium now.

Hung out with 2 of my favourite chums last Friday evening. First time I went to the 'MakanSutra' hawker place in Esplanade. One of them was craving for the stingray there. I tried it and think 'Chomp Chomp' one's still better. We were gonna catch Munich at Marina Square (Boy, has it changed in one year!) after but the showtimes were too late and we had the symposium the next day so we decided to play pool. We had to go on a waiting list for it and the guy at the counter must not have heard anything about the government's campaign on better customer service, he was so rude!!! O_o Anyway, so while waiting, Alex wanted to play some arcade games and dragged me along. We played on a machine where you can play against each other on different games you choose. I was terrible at it!!! But I laughed so much it was worth the embarrassment. :p Pool was equally bad. Well, I was. The 2 guys were great at it. But then they said I am easily impressed. ha. Cos' I'm not good at it mah. Bad aim, poor calculation of angles... I think I need more than a degree in trig to play it. hee.

Bollywood night last sat was brillant! Had a lot of fun shopping in Little India with 3 other girls Sat afternoon (after our symposium which I had trouble getting up in the morning for). I didn't expect to buy anything to wear but they insisted on me getting something too. So I got a piece of cheap but pretty cloth for a sari. They all bought stuff (loads: bangles - Shab bought me a set of very beautiful bangles!!!, bindis, other jewellery, henna etc.) and we proceeded to one of the girls' place (a very sweet Indian lady) so she could help wrap us up in the cloth. :D Shab, the sweet Indian lady forgot one of her bags in a boutique where she put her Bollywood vcd and cds in so we went back to Little India after getting dressed. Were quite late when we got to Christian's place (where Bollywood night's held). Some guys were dressed in Christian's ethnic Indian shirts and looked quite nice. Alex, the clown of the company, had on a 'diaper' (cloth) and a (towel) turban. XD hahaha... so amusing!!! We danced ourselves crazy (to Bollywood music) and Shab showed us some Bollywood dance moves! She danced so well! Wish I could dance like that! :) We were also hilariously entertained by Alex and his love of the projector. I shan't elaborate Let's just say it was gross (kinda. hee.) but very very funny!!!!

Didn't do anything on Sun. Bummed round at home, read, eat, the usual Sunday shenanigans, you know... :) The only thing that was significant was that I called my godfather. We spoke close to an hour. ^_^ It's been a while since we talked. So good to talk to him again!

Yups, so that was my weekend. Not very exciting but very nice nonetheless. =)

Argh... gotta get to work.

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Untitled

The last few days passed by in a whirlwind, as did today. I kinda like it this way. Having lots of work to keep me occupied till it's time to go home. As opposed to sitting at my desk trying not to fall asleep while reading articles.

Today was the first day of the symposium our company organised. Quite a few big names in the field have been brought over from different parts of the world, including a Nobel Prize winner who will speak tomorrow. The talks we attended today were all very informative. Though I am guilty to say that there were a few moments in the last talk where I almost fell asleep. Hee. But never actually did lah. Just closed my eyes for a couple of seconds. It feels like I've been in 'school' attending a whole day of lectures. But with the benefit of a good morning break and lunch buffet. Lunch was thai food and it was yummy! :)

Had a really brutal spinning session at the gym yesterday. It was a wonder I didn't walk out of the class halfway! (which at that time I really wanted to do. But my pride kept me going. Ha.) I could barely bring myself home after that. So am not going to the gym today though my colleagues went. Feeling a little bad now for missing a session today. Am consoling myself that I might go tomorrow instead. Though possibility not high since I don't think anyone's going tomorrow after work.

It's late. Think I'll head off. I wish I could have written something of more consequence... Brain's not in writing mood today. Maybe sometime next week. Got study coming up next week. And tons of things on my to-do list that have been there forever. Will start to tackle them one by one hopefully...

Bon weekend! ^_^

Song playing in my head...

'Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in, winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye
Roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated
I am...'

-- Vindicated, Dashboard Confessional

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Proceed with caution: Whining ahead!!! >_<

*Enormous red danger sign* Don't say I didn't warn you!

Was looking through some pictures I took with friends/family in Paris just before I came back (about 4 months ago) yesterday and.......................................... *too upset to type* I looked at myself now and, and............... the difference is appalling!!!!!!!!! Even my lil' sis agrees... My skin was radiant (think fair with pink glow...) and flawless before. And definitely baby smooth. I remember feeling very amazed and happy about it then. The pictures brought back a flood of memories... Sigh. But as soon as I came back, the weather/could be also the food here (but most definitely weather plays a large part) wreaked havoc on my skin. My sebaceous glands went mad giving rise to pimples, blocked pores, white heads, black heads, whatever, you name it I have it!!!! :( :( :(

I want nice skin!!!! The best part was, when I was there, I didn't have to do anything for it except put on moisturiser. Now, I have to think about going back to my old skin doctor to get expensive medications to treat my skin... double sigh.

Why can't I be one of those women who have beautiful skin effortlessly??? Or if not, loads of $ to get the best treatment??? The former is way better though.

Also, back there, I didn't really have to worry about my weight. I seem to be able to eat all the desserts, patisserie (pastries), chocolates, etc etc that I want and not get fat. Think it's probably due to the amount of walking I do there. The scenery's and weather's perfect for walks after work/weekends. Here, it's almost always too hot to walk much (except of cos' shopping in malls, but that's a different matter altogether!) and there's not much scenery unless one goes to the parks or reservoirs or reserve. Those places I am determined to explore now that I am back (have already made an effort to go to some of them).

It may sound like I am griping (there is such a word right? As in gripe?) about Singapore. But I must say that in most ways I am happy Singapore is where I call home (with exception of the above stated reasons, induce whining and others such as the educational, political arenas are not particularly rosy- I have some thoughts about the upcoming elections, but let's not go there while I am whining bimbotically/vainly.)

On an entirely (well, almost, except it's still on the whining tune) unrelated note, I want to get rid of my turning-red-easily phenomenon.

In the "Principles of Anatomy and Physiology", Gerard Tortora and Sandra Grabowski write: when exposed to environmental or emotional stimuli, the body kicks in with a "fight or flight" response, stimulating the release of extra adrenalin. This adrenalin acts upon the sympathetic nervous system, which among other things, triggers the widening of blood vessels throughout the body, including the vessels in face, hence blushing.

Either it was really a point of just nothing else better to say or ignorance, someone's first words to me today were, 'You got some sun!' In that instant, I was thinking back the last 2 weeks if I had actually gone for a swim and drew a blank. Felt my face get hot and I think I must have looked like I got all the sun I need in that 2 secs. I should have retorted with something along the lines of 'Well, the sun's always present in Singapore, so it shouldn't be any surprise', instead of stammering, 'Well, I didn't do anything outdoors. Don't know how I got dark'. And proceeding to turn redder than a cooked lobster. Oh, that would bring me to the point of my horrifying speed of 'getting the sun', so to speak. I must possess some sort of melanin catalyst!!! O_o

This might be enough whining to get me through today. Gotta get back to working on my presentation.

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A walk down intrepid lane

Ever seen MacRitchie reservoir by night?

It was enchanting. :) The trees silhouetted against the leftover colours of the sunset. A cool evening breeze caused the water in the reservoir to ripple ever so slightly.

A mother throwing out her line as her daughter played nearby. A groundsheet and basket hinted at a picnic. A man patiently waiting for a bite at the end of his line just a few steps away. Probably the father, I think to myself. What a nice way to spend a Sat with family.

A couple jogged past.

Although the group of teenagers around me were chattering non-stop (as teenagers do), there was a sense of repose about the place.

We waited by a shelter for the night to fall before embarking on the walk.

There was an order by which we were going for the walk, guys alone and girls in pairs, in intervals of 15min, armed with nothing but a florescent stick. This walk was supposed to help boost the courage and confidence of the young people (a.k.a the future building blocks of our society). ^_^

When it came our turn, a slight, 15-year-old girl by my side, we ventured onto the darkened path. She was quite nervous, anxious to get it over and done with. Vanessa took my hand and after minute or so, decided it was a better idea to hold me on my shoulder for better support.

We walked on in silence in the beginning since we were instructed to not talk unnecessarily. A couple of whispered general questions was enough to start her chatting about nothing in particular. A loquacious girl, I thought. Not bad at all since then I wouldn't have to feel awkward about not speaking much.

The first stretch of the path was easy enough, the moon though just a cresent, provided enough lumination to see clearly.

Then came a part where the foliage was thicker and it became much darker. I unconsciously tightened my grip on her shoulder. 'Are you scared?' she asked. I like to think I was more worried about my responsibility for her than being scared of the dark. Just before we went into the clearing, the person-in-charge mentioned that the last time they did the night walk, there was a guy just standing/hiding at one side of the path, apparently not wanting to be noticed. That just sounded too freaky to me. Can you imagine walking along a dark track and a perverse/psycho guy hiding, waiting for a victim!!! O_o There have been incidents in Singapore, haven't there? The narrator then carried on saying there's nothing to worry about, that if there's someone there just scream! Well, I suppose there is nothing to worry about since there are a few of us in front and behind. But thoughts like, 'what if something does happen and nobody manage to reach us in time?' and 'Could I protect her? us?' plagued my mind.

I tried my darnest not to look to the sides where leaves and branches produce shadows that give too much room for illusion. Neither did I look behind me. She sometimes turned to look back like she thought someone's following. I concentrated on the front and watched for the florescent sticks that signalled we were on the right route.

I didn't think the sound of our footsteps in the gravel was a comfort until we arrived at a sandy path where suddenly everything seemed too quiet. At least there was still the sound of the insects for which I was grateful for.

When my imagination did not get the better of me and there was a break in the canopy, I took a minute to admire the stars. I pointed out to her the Orion Belt, which was extremely bright and clear that night.

We were even fortunate to see a firefly! So pretty!!!

By the time we reached the end of the road, I was hot, sticky and sweaty but feeling accomplished. :D I think it did as much for me as it was for them... :)

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Je pense pas

I imagined standing at the glass doors, watching, waiting, for a familiar figure to emerge with a suitcase trailing. Imagined I could see you standing in front of the conveyor belt waiting for your belongings before you noticed me. Would I walk slowly, steadily towards you? Or would I be so happy to see you I'll throw all caution/primness to the wind and run? A hug? Un bisou amicale? What would be a proper greeting? 'Hi, I'm glad you're back.' Is this what I should say? What would I say? 'You must be tired.'

Well, at least I don't have to worry about that now. Your email this morning politely indicated you'd be occupied. Besides, you'd be at work, was what you said. 'Many thanks for your offer though.' My proposition to pick you up shrugged off.

I made light my reply. 'See you Tuesday then.'

----------------------------------------------------------

Have a good weekend people!

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Bored, bored, bored out of my wits...

...

I really should be doing some work...

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When the time comes, I can do this.

Took the bus with my baby sista this morning. Which gave me a chance to read an essay assignment she wrote overnight. The assignment was to rewrite a segment of a passage in the writing style of any author of the texts that they are studying in the module. She chose to write in the satirical, pompous style of Henry Fielding. And she is GOOD!!! Now I know where all the literary genes in the family went to... :D Boy, do I wish I could write like that! And she wrote that all in a night! There were parts of it where I had to humbly ask her what she meant... 'Never buy a pig in a poke' is an expression I learnt this morning, among other big words... :)

Learning new vocab and expressions is becoming a delightful part of my life, especially with them Brits and a cool (my sis, on the other side of the green grassy field, thinks I'm cool cos' I'm technically a 'scientist') literature major sister around me. ^_^ Lucky me!!! Hopefully some of those word/writing power rub off on me over time...........................................................................

Meanwhile, brain flashes low fuel sign. Me needs some good sleep and chocolates. And that spells HOME. :)

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