Hanging on by a thread (of which is terribly frayed)

The best part of my weekday arrives in the form of a strong blast of cool water down my face, after a thorough (Emphasis on the word 'thorough' cos' it's been a while since I've had a satisfactory workout) session at the gym (when I do manage to drag myself there). Not that the showers in my gym are fantastic. (Unless you consider a dingy-looking grey plastic shower curtains, stone walls and uncomfortable anti-slip thingies under your feet as nice.) It's simply that the powerful jets (The shower at home does not emit such highly-pressured water.) of water running down my body are somehow very relaxing. Better yet if I could take a bubble bath. But sadly there's no bath tub in our humble flat. (I tell myself, when I can afford my own place, I must have a good, roomy bath tub with pretty little candles and sweet scents all around! :D)

Work continues to be a bit of a daily drag (at least 7 hours each day in the lab and it's either no lunch so I don't stay till the sky's dark or sneak a quick one and risk staying late). Though there's been a teeny piece of good news from le chef after my meeting with him. Have to cross my fingers in the coming new year and hope that what he said will actually happen in the coming year... I worry he was only lying to try to get my spirits up. I really don't mind working hard or long hours so long as there's some sort of purpose or usefulness in whatever I'm doing. Well, I'll just have to wait and see...

The weekends have been well-balanced with slacking-at-home time and going out. My long hours in the lab meant I haven't been able to steal office time to update and by the time I get home, I am usually so knackered I couldn't be assed to turn on the computer. Am now waiting for my last session of the day to finish so have got a few minutes, will thus attempt to catch up on the what-have-I-done list. (As if anyone is interested... I know, I know. So it's actually more for myself to look back on than for my non-existent readership.)

I caught a glimpse of the Singapore Biennale 2006 on its last day (12 Nov). And that was really quite interesting, both the art and having the opportunity to enter the old City Hall and Tanglin camp (the only 2 sites I managed to visit).

One of the IP students held his belated 21st birthday party the Friday after (17 Nov). That was quite fun. We had some finger food, a little dinner and chilled out at the students' place. Then I met up with a few secondary school friends I haven't seen in I-don't-remember-how-long for a drink at Chijmes. It was great catching up, aside from when we got thinking about when we got to know each other. (12 years ago!!! so old liao...) They hadn't changed one bit, personality or looks-wise (other than become skinnier than they already were back in school. Now just how do they do that???), which was quite a pleasant surprise. ^_^

The Sat after that (25 Nov), a colleague held her engagement bbq party at her condominium. After the bbq died out, a few of us went up to her place to drink, snack and chit chat. That was cool.

Got reaquainted with another old friend recently. (Seems like a popular time for old friends to get in touch again eh?) He texted me out of the blue and suspicious me questioned if he was an insurance agent or a doing some sort of sales. Turned out he really merely wanted to refresh forgotten friendships. So that was nice.

Phew, finally managed to finish this post which has been sitting in my draft folder for ages...

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Metaphorically speaking...

A friend recently told me this amusing saying (and not without its truths):
'Men are like toilet bowls; the good ones are occupied and the rest are, well... full of shit.' :D haha...
Said friend is male, currently attached, which must be why he was proudly relating the saying to me.

I was browsing in this pretty little gift shop in Savannah when I saw this on a card:
'Women are like tea bags; they don't know how strong they are until they get into hot water.' Hee. Now, how true is that, ladies? I like to think we're strong all the time...

P.S.: Technically, these are similes. But 'metaphorically speaking' sounds better than 'simil-ically speaking'. :)

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I sometimes think insurance has a hint of morbidity to it.

Just how many insurance agents can our society support??? (No offense to you guys out there but you are indeed everywhere...)

Some of my friends are. I even have one in the family. My cousin-in-law recently jumped ship from NTUC Income (where he's worked part-time for many years) to AIA. Sometime last week he was trying to convince me to get a life insurance and a medical one. My mum wanted the medical insurance for her and Dad which I will pay for using my MediSave. I totally understand why my parents should have one. But I simply don't feel the need to get one for myself as yet. So he went on to say that it's a preventive measure and anything can happen, anytime. (Yes, I do realise that.) And it would be too late to regret not having a coverage when something does happen. All true but a false sense of security and invincibility of the twenties is what makes me brush it off with a 'Nah. I'm healthy (at least now).'

I'm not entirely trusting that (maybe faux) sensation of being in the pink of health. Maybe I should get one. Then again I already have trouble 'getting the checkbook to balance' (out>>in) and really don't wish to be further bogged down by these so-called safety nets. Ah, we'll see.

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Bone-weary

Going on to my sixth straight hour in the lab. :(

Barely time to sit down, and of cos' no loo breaks (Well, I could have if I really needed to. But that means taking off shoe covers, mask, gloves, walk through the sanitised mile of corridor. Time is a luxury I cannot afford. Besides I've only just got the chance to sit down.), no food or water.

First day of drug dosing and my rats gave me hell. Most of them were fairly docile the past 2 days when I was sham dosing them but somehow they've realised that today's drug day so they've made it a point to scream at the top of their lungs and struggle as hard as they could so I could not inject properly. :( Now, there was no way they can get out of the injection and the more they squirm (very forcefully), the more it'll hurt for them (and for me too. I don't particularly enjoy inflicting this on them, you know.) cos I'd have to repeatedly remove and insert the needle until I can inject all of the individually allocated drug.
And since there's a timing for my injections, I can't afford to take too long and I get really stressed. A few times I had to restrain myself from shouting and shaking the fat old rodents or tightening my grip on their abdomens.

To top the above off, I've not yet had a good night's sleep this week. Went out yesterday to meet up with a friend of a friend of Christian who's on transit in Singapore for a night. She's really nice to hang out with. So that was ok. Tuesday night I got home later than I'd have liked to. Was invited to a 'Discovery - Travel & Living' promo event at Rochester Park (very near my workplace, which was why I said ok in the first place). Santino Rice (from Project Runway season 2, if you guys watch it) was the guest star. The friend who had asked me to go couldn't bear to leave the restaurant. (Possibly cos' of the cute waitress.) There was nothing going on after the guest star had said his piece. And of cos' after I had my fill of the finger food, hee, which was quite good, by the way. Ah, I've digressed.

Back to my whining. Finally, the 'icing on the cake' comes in the form of my left shoulder blade unaturally, incessantly aching for the past couple of days.

Morale of the story is, I feel like crap. Sigh.

Next week I'm going to start another experiment that would have to be run concurrently with this one. (They'd both take about 5 weeks to complete!) And those rats have never been scruffed or injected, ever. I can just imagine how much they'd like it. Just thinking about it sends my heart rocketing into my throat. Also, it'll probably take longer than 6 hours (everyday!). Hell on earth, here I come... *sniffles*

Oh ya, and boss had said to me as we were discussing my experiments on Mon that they'll probably not work, so don't get my hopes up, though it'll be interesting to see the results. So I asked him why we are using these tests anyway and his reply was, 'Well, we had funds to spare then, so we got the kits and then we hired you, so...'
'Gee, thanks boss. You're very encouraging, you know?' I said to him. At which he laughed and said, 'Ya, I know, I'm such a morale boaster.'

Work doesn't get any better than this...

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Quickie

Right, I have 3 minutes before I need to go inject my rats.
Thought I'd drop a short note before I dash off.
A lot on my mind but can't seem to compose them into coherent thoughts to write out. hmm...

Along the lines of waffling, I'm liking (Is this bad English? Hee.) my new blogskin. :) And credits to Zan for helping me with it!!! :D Man, I'm so bad at html... But at least I managed to learn new stuff while trying to edit it. :D Hopefully I get better.

This morning when I started my new set of studies (finally!), I found the hand that held the injection needle ever so slightly trembling and the heart pounding vigorously. I think the body remembered it was about as stressed as the rats when I last had to inject them. Luckily, this time round it was subcutaneous (first study used intraperitoneal), thus much less arduous for my animals (and of cos' for me too). Most of them cooperated with me (though a handful still scream a whole lot and struggle violently).

I managed to persuade lazy self to go to the gym yesterday evening but didn't have a good session. Come to think of it, I haven't had a satisfyingly tough session since I've been back. My stamina, fitness and strength look yet to return from their vacation. I haven't been able to run as long/fast or work the same weights I had before. *Big sigh* Come back!!! Please...

My eyelids feel like they weigh a ton... *YAWN* Dreaming of curling up in bed and sleeping... O_o

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Just not my day

I was this close to pulling out my hairs (and sprouting vulgarities) yesterday. Was trying to print out my report (a mere 5-page one) and the (millions of!!! ok, maybe I exaggerate. But there are many of them!) tables and graphs treacherously refused to turn out properly in their respective positions. Went through printing a whole stack of them before a colleague helped me solve the problem on Word.

My mood had registered record lows this week. I wonder if it's just that I'm being overwhelmed by the pile of work I've come back to, or it's simply the time of the month. I think it's quite the former plus sentiments of struck-in-the-rut at work. I am starting to resent my job. There, I've said it. I think I was rather afraid to admit that to myself before cos' it seemed like if I said it out (or write it out, in this case), it makes it real. Before, I'd grumble about the repetitiveness of my work but I have not (yet) gone the way of thinking I really dislike it. Then I'd try to convince myself that nonetheless, it's a meaningful one. Now however, the notion that a 2-year-old (thereabouts) could probably be able to do what I do has started taking shape in my mind. I think my boss is starting to sense that and he's been trying to reassure me that the 'handler' (i.e. me) is important in the success of the test. But I also remember him saying before that both of my tests are probably not going to churn out much positive results. How encouraging! :( SIgh.

Anyhow, I'd wanted badly to post on Thursday when I got home. (Writing is cathartic for me.) But lil' sis had essays to rush so I couldn't use the laptop.

Also felt bad that I skipped my spinning class (again!) on Thurs. (Bad girl!) :( Next week, I promise to make myself go...

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When you part and walk away,
Do you turn around to catch another glimpse of the someone you've just bidded goodbye to?
A gesture that says 'I'll miss you' or 'I can't wait to see you again'.
I do.
If they're important enough.
But all too often, I've realised that most people don't.
And I might have felt disappointed.
Maybe I should learn not to look back.
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You really don't want to piss me off now.

Why is it that the people you want to hear from will never contact you whereas the ones you would not even touch with a 10-foot long pole will always buzz around like pesky houseflies about an extremely irritated animal? (I'm thinking a horse, or an elephant, trying to swat those pests with their tails but the die-hards keep coming back for more.)

Haha. Can you tell I'm in a crappy mood?

It's almost 830pm and I'm still in the office finishing up a report due tomorrow after a long day in the lab (my 'lunch' only at 4plus and taken while typing said report). >_<

Never mind. I'm almost done.

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Prepped

She felt unusually exhausted.
In want of a cuddle, a hug and a kiss on top of the head.
A fleeting moment of unguarded vulnerability.
That will not do.
So thinking, she steeled herself, put on a smile that barely reached her eyes,
And got ready to face the world.

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Post-holiday blues

I suppose I had expected to get back from my holiday feeling recharged. In a way that didn't happen. Just like my holiday wasn't all I had imagined it to be. Life's like that, isn't it? I tell myself. If it were predictable, it would probably prove to be a very boring existence.

It was a good break away from my daily mundane chores. (Which also means it has been almost excruciatingly difficult trying to get back into my work & gym routine. I so do not want to do either.)
And there were useful lessons (painful or otherwise) learnt on my trips.
Number 1: Some friendships (perhaps erringly thought strong) pale over distance and time (however short) while others don't.
Number 2: Transport tickets wait for no one (not even for a few hours). That said, I still have to learn to be more decisive.
Number 3: The Netherlands is not a good country to visit in the cold seasons. (Unless of cos you enjoy freezing your ass off while trying to sightsee when people with any sort of sense at all stay indoors unless absolutely necessary. Good thing I had my Dutch friends to hang out with.)

These are off the top of my head. Might add on if I think of anymore.

On separate occasions in London, both A and M asked me if I had thought about my plans for the future, career-wise. I didn't have an answer then, neither do I have one now. Chewing very hard on it at the moment. Hopefully by sometime next year it would have been digested then I'd know. They've both found their directions. Am delighted for them. One day, one day, it'll be my turn to proudly announce that I too, have found my calling. :)

PS: Rats. Mine. I've missed. Them. :D

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My shadow's the only one that walks beside me

Harsh reality beckons and there was no putting it off any longer.

Back to work. Back to my routine life.

It felt kinda strange coming back home. Even though I've only been gone 3 weeks. Perhaps all the running around (/travelling) has warped my perception of time and environment. I missed home quite a few times when I was away. Especially (not surprisingly) when I'm alone. I don't take pride in admitting that I don't like to travel alone.

The entry about my trip(s) is in the process of construction. Will definitely post it when it's all nice and done. :)

Experiencing Paris-sickness. (Learnt this from Ming - who had used the phrase 'London-sick' in one of his posts. And told me I made him miss London all over again when I had asked him for recommendations of places to eat in London's Chinatown. Hee. But Ming, you're going back for holiday eh? Sounds good!) I was quite sad when it came time to say goodbye to A and London, but once I arrived in Paris, it was like I was home. :D Needless to say I had the best time in Paris, my favourite city in the world (or however much of it I've seen)!

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Sunday. Late morning.
Cool, misty, peaceful.
The sun in the bluish sky gentle.
Along the old, quaint street, the only audible sounds were those of footsteps on the cobblestones. 2 pairs.
Her orange sneakers, only barely making their presence heard.
His black leather shoes; click, clack.
Almost in unison.
Her icy cold slim hand in his warm callused one.
The usual weekday haste left behind.
Strolling in companionable silence. Comfortable.
Bells of the nearby church tolled prettily.
Counting out the hours.
As if to say, It's a beautiful day! So wake up, it's time to get out of bed.
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Have a fab weekend people!

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